Q: What is the difference between a woman and a beer bottle?
A: A beer bottle is filled before it is corked but a woman is corked before she is filled
If a woman could change a man into any mammal, what would it be?
A whale - because it has a thirty foot tongue, and can breathe out of the top of its head!
A nice lady in a short skirt walks up to a police man on the street and says, "I have a problem." ---- The police man asked her what it is, she points to a man across the street and says, "See that man?"
The police man replies, "Yes, is he watching you?"
She replies, “NO! That is the problem!"
Rosy needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain. She asks the doctor what he has on sale.
"Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100."
Surprised she asks why the price difference?
"Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future:
- Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
- Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!!
Why are women like parking spaces?
Because all the best ones are taken....and the rest are handicapped.
Why do women have smaller feet then men?
So that they can stand closer to the kitchen sink!
A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk,
"I would like to see a bikini that fits me."
Clerk, "me too..."
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
"Honey," said a husband to his wife,
"I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relaxes in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded,
"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Sony is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc." |
